Saturday, February 2, 2013

Tom Lund - Motel Warrior

by Tom Lund

In 2008, our Colfax Motel Warrior Tom Lund took the challenge and underwent near punishment-level drinking on the West Colfax Crawl to report back to what he found.

17999 W. Colfax Avenue, Golden, CO
One word: Bikers. 

Lakewood Grill - 8100 West Colfax Ave, Lakewood, CO
I walked in to a live band playing Midnight Special. The bartender was a smokin' hot cougar, but didn't offer information easily. I'm thinking she's an ex-con. Beers are $3.75...steep for this part of town. Had a draft beer and left.

The Puttin' Pub - 7785 West Colfax Ave., Lakewood, CO
Big place, big stage, live band is on playing Deep Purple tunes. I knew the guy tending bar from way back. He was very pro. Offered me a coke back for my brown liquor shot without having to be asked. 

The Shuffle Inn - 1623 West Colfax Ave., Lakewood, CO 
People used to get into a lot of trouble in this place. It still has a disturbing look and vibe to it, even shuttered.   

Club Dream
This place has a dress code and is in the parking lot of some seedy motel. Due to my beer stained wife-beater t-shirt (in the joint they call them a slingshot), I didn't pass muster. 

Scotty Dawgs - 18200 W Colfax Ave Golden, CO - Closed when I walked by.

Hops - Too corporate. I skipped it.

Mimi's - Once again, if you want to play it safe, actually have clean restrooms, not have wait staff steal you change, this might be your place, but too upscale for me. 

On the Border I think I've covered my general take on the Colorado Mills bars. 

Casa Bonita OK now. A true legend. Indoor cliff diving? Margaritas. Never mind the food, who cares? 

The Keg - Not on my budget... 

La Bailarina I got frisked more to get in this bar than I did to get into County. I settled for an $8 margarita, and only got half way through before the waitress cut me off, took my drink, and refunded my money. I guess I was slurring pretty hard by now. 

Cordial Lounge CG's Pub and Patio Hooka Bar - not directly on Colfax, decided to skip it for now.

Pifler's Ignored this one. Looks like Cheers. Too sportsbar. 

Shark's Saloon and Grill I walked into Shark's expecting to see Patrick Swayze shooting stick in the corner. Someone is singing a really bad version of Crazy by Patsy Cline. There are actually a few younger cats milling about. More bikers. Draft beer=$1.50. And they do have clamato.

Viking Lounge - As I walk in, Bon Jovi's "Dead or Alive" is on the jukebox. Draft beer=$2.50. The woman tending bar is smokin' hot, and pronounces clamato with a long A. You say clamato, I say clamato.

Zoobar It's Friday night, so there's live music going on. Some Grateful Dead cover band playing Uncle Tom's Band. Someone has their pet chihuahua on the bar. The Zoobar is a rarity in Colorado these days: you can still smoke! AND they have a humidor and cigars in house!

T-Bones Saloon I can tell this is a new bar, because there is still drywall mud drying all around me. Behind the bar is a sign that reads, "drink FREE tomorrow". Three Dog Night's "Have You Ever Been To Spain" is on the jukebox. They have free BBQ every Saturday. Great owners. Really nice. Draft beer=$2.50. Eventually they want to get Coyote Ugly midgets to dance on the bar.

Red Coach Inn Wow. There are mullets everywhere. Someone is singing karaoke to Journey's "When the Lights Go Down in the City". Draft beer=$3.25. Got my change for a five in dimes & nickels.

Angie's Place When Aunt Thelma got a divorce, she got an apartment in the basement. Beers are $2 and the waitstaff is friendly. There was a brand new sign for the bar sitting on the ground that hadn't been hung up yet. I asked Angie if that was her new sign. She said, "Oh no, it's been there for years."

El Senor Sol - wasn't open.

Sports Channel This place looks like a ballgame during the Major League Baseball strike. Closed down.

Whiskey Bill's 7290 W. Colfax Lakewood - Closed.

Guido's Nickel Bar - Jimi Hendrix's "Fire" is on the jukebox. This place has the swagger of a pirate's cove. When I ordered a beer with clamato, some ruffian pipes in, "I hope only one pussy is broken tonight..." There is a bottle of booze on the wall called "Jekyll & Hyde". I went out back to have a smoke and was stunned to see a horseshoe pit out back. I wasn't there five minutes before a girl calling herself Stella the Sledgehammer showed me her tits and asked me if I have a dungeon at home in my basement. Cain T-Square

Moose Hill Cantina - closed.

Country Cork Nascar out the ass and wood panelling galore. The bartender, Liz "just call me Lizard", after telling some guy to shut up, tells us they have been running Colfax Crawls (called the Mall Crawl) since the Cork opened 37 years ago. Beers are $1.25 a piece. After I buy one beer, my change for a five is $2.25.  

The Tavern At Mile High This is the final bar that I made it too. They already had me cased out at the door. "You can't stay here man...there's undercover here watching. You're wasted, bro!" Just before I got here I stopped into 7-Eleven to get a box of Reds. On the way in, there is a row of teenage hip hopper gangsters up ahead of me on the sidewalk. As they pass by, I can hear their leader saying, "Hold the line, soldier...hold the line." I smashed right into the guy, spun around and said, "wanna watch me break dance?" After spinning around madly on the pavement I looked up to see that they had run away.

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